Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
— Arthur Bennet, Valley of Vision
If there is anything I can say from the past few weeks of my life, it would be this: God is a loving Father, and an amazing Teacher.
Normally, The Reformed Alliance would have at least two posts every week. Instead, there hasn’t been anything posted in about a month. The reasons why were very complicated.
I was overloaded with stress to the point where it affected my health. I had to change my diet and my daily routines in order to make myself stable again.
God was sanctifying me from my own sins that I struggled with, and He stopped me before I could get lost and entranced by them. These sins were things like pride, ambition, self-confidence, and other things.
Lastly, God was testing me. He wanted me to examine my theology, my calling, and whether or not I truly delighted in Him and in His presence.
I am glad that God is infinite in His wisdom, grace, and love. He truly is someone who is worth committing your whole life to, and I am ashamed that God had to make me remember that through extreme measures. He brought me through hardships and difficult trials (most of which were caused by my own foolish decisions), and it was all to remind me of the fact that God wants us to realize that we are nothing without Him.
Many people, including myself for some time, believe that they can depend on themselves. Modern culture has taught us the lie that we don’t need anyone else, but ourselves. Our editor, Karina Soroka, wrote a little about this in her post called A World Without Women on the blog when saying, “For human life to thrive, it requires both a man and a woman.” If it is obvious that men and women need each other, how much more obvious should it be that we need God?
Life without God is meaningless and chaotic, as I have come to learn. Even though I am convinced I still remained a child of God, I realized that not trusting God in everything can bring you to a bad place. I wondered why my health went down, why my anxiety was through the roof, and why I had lost meaning in life. The answer: I thought I could put all trust into my faith, my works, and my own self… rather than trusting in God’s promises.
That is why I am glad that God put me through all the trials that I had endured. Through His Spirit, I saw the value of God’s discipline and sanctification. I am abundantly glad that God doesn’t leave His elect, but instead purifies them and prepares them for greater glory. I am truly grateful that He has taught me the value of humiliation, desolation, and brokenness. As it is written in Psalm 51:17 (ESV), “A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”
I am happy to write again, and I look forward to starting it up again! May God continue to work in my life as He sanctifies me, heals and restores my health, and teaches me to trust in His promises. Till next time, and as always…
Soli Deo Gloria.