A prayer of hopelessness and despair.
For a time when it seems all is lost.
For a time when it seems as if there is nowhere to go.
I thank You that You are a great God and that there is no other God, but You alone. There is no one else to turn to, no one else that can help, and there is no one else that I know will hear me to the fullest. Life has never met my expectations and it has never been as kind as You have been. Life apart from You is dangerous and void of an intellectual reason to live. How can I live without You? And how can I live through this moment without You?
You seem so far, yet so close. You are so near, yet so distant. Oh Lord, why is my soul so confused? Why does it wander about in its own ambition? My heart is nothing but a part of me that seeks to rid Your involvement in life. I am, but a wretch who hopes in Your redemption and in Your sanctifying presence. Can this request be granted, Oh Lord?
My struggles seem unbearable. I am close to giving in. I am still, and I am waiting. I am waiting for You to speak. Your Spirit renews me daily with the faith that I need, but oh what great doubt can arise. Lord, why do I doubt You, and yet I love you? How do I question Your will yet fear you? Have I not seen Your goodness in my life? The voices of the enemy grow louder and louder, closer and closer, clearer and clearer.
Oh Lord, free me from my pride!
Oh Lord, free me from my idolatry!
Oh Lord, free me from my slavery!
Every part of my soul longs for you Lord God. Grant your Holy Spirit to comfort me in my needy estate. Only You, Lord, can determine when these struggles will be over. So I beg you to never forsake me. I dread being in such lonesome estate, with no one to hold me through it all. Though I have many friends, they might as well desert me for it feels that way. You are my sole comfort, even though my emotions cry out from within to place blame on all around me.
I feel as if I am battling every evil from within and from the outside on my own. Has Your Spirit left me? The one that You promised would comfort me must be beside me. Is it the intuition of my flesh that makes me feel lonely? Is it the voice of Satan’s demon that convinces me of Your absence? Is it the sins that I have committed that have assured me that I have not come to the full realization of who You are? Oh no, Lord! You wouldn’t leave me after so much You have been patient with, would you?
Oh Lord, don’t leave me to suffer alone!
Oh Lord, don’t leave me in the battle!
Oh Lord, don’t leave me when I suffer through temptations!
Attend to my soul! I need You in every passing moment of life. You see my desire that only You could have given me. You were strong enough to bring me to the knowledge of Your Son and the atonement He brought through His sacrifice. You alone are responsible for my salvation and it is by Your will that goodness has come into my life. Shall I question Your will now? I can’t help it. You seem so far.
Nevertheless, let Your Spirit give me patience. You were there through greater trials of the past. You loved me even when I rebelled against You, and You sought good for me even when I was evil. How much more will You grant good things to one You have granted to become Your adopted child?
Oh Lord, You are my salvation!
Oh Lord, You are my deliverer!
Oh Lord, You are my everything!
Forgive my doubt, and forgive my pride. Help me to remember that You will never forsake me. Let me not forget Your promises to the elect of God. You see my needs, and You will do with them as You see would be for the greater good of your plan. What greater peace can there be? There is no greater peace, but that my God, who is sovereign over all things, is the One who watches over me. Watch over my soul, see to my needs according to Your will, and forgive my doubting and my sins against You.
Father God, work out Your divine purposes among Your people and in the world. Son of God, be ever more gracious and loving to us; what a great brother and a friend you truly are. Holy Spirit, let Your presence comfort me and teach me to be conformed to the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Be glorified my God, and do not forget my prayer of desperation.
Soli Deo Gloria.